How to be a Trans Ally

This article can also be found on the Resources page.

You may have heard the term “Ally” used in relation to LGBT+ people, and are wondering what it is, means and how it applies to you.

This guide aims to demystify what it means and what can be expected of a good “Trans Ally”

What is a “Trans Ally”?

A trans ally is a cisgender (non-trans) person, who is committed to being open minded, respectful and supportive of transgender and gender diverse people.

A good ally will take the time to learn about trans people, challenge transphobia, assumptions and stereotypes perpetuated by others, and through their own actions work to ensure trans people are treated with respect both within and outside of the workplace.

Every non-trans person can be a trans ally to ensure trans people are treated with dignity and respect.

How can you be a “Trans Ally”?

There are many ways to be an ally to trans people - whether that’s in a personal, social, professional or workplace capacity.

Educate Yourself

The biggest barrier to being an ally is a lack of knowledge and understanding about transgender people, which is a major issue due to historical misconceptions and the volume of misinformation spread by the UK Press and trans hostile groups on social media.

The best way to educate yourself is to use known, reputable, trans inclusive LGBT+ resources published by organisations such as Stonewall, LGBT Foundation, Mermaids, Gendered Intelligence, and of course Claire’s Trans Talks

However, don’t exclusively rely on individual trans people to educate you - many trans people just want to get on with our lives without continually being expected to answer questions about our existence.

You can also learn more about transgender people throughout history - despite living in a culture that does not us treat us equally, trans people have, and continue to make significant contributions to society - i.e. The mobile phone you use today wouldn’t be possible without the advances made by Sophie Wilson MBE

There will be occasions when you’ll get things wrong or misunderstand something. Don’t take offence or let that stop you being an ally - apologise and use it as a learning opportunity. What matters most is your intentions.

Ask

If you’re not sure about something - ask. You can talk to other allies, or to trans people.

If you do ask a trans person something, it is good to be aware of the following before doing so :

• Always be respectful.

• It’s fine to ask about what pronouns and gendered terms (such as titles) to use - most trans people will not be offended by you asking.

• Don’t ask anything about anything intrusive - such as medical interventions, how we have sex, manage our relationships or what toilets we use.

• Don’t expect to be educated - some trans people will take the time to answer well intentioned questions, but not all. If a trans person doesn’t want to answer, that’s fine.

If you make a mistake, such as using the wrong name, pronoun or terminology - just apologise, correct yourself and move on. Don’t make a big deal about it, but do make a conscious effort not to repeat your mistake.

Listen

It may sound simple, but actively listen to trans people.

How we describe ourselves, lives and situations will allow you to better understand us. It can also help to ensure you use the right name, pronouns and gendered terms we prefer if you are unsure what to use and don’t feel comfortable asking.

One very easy way to listen to is to follow trans organisations or trans people on social media platforms such as Twitter or Instagram.

Don’t just talk Inclusion

There are many ways you can make sure your workplace, event or activity is inclusive.

In a group setting such as events or meetings, use gender neutral language or identify people by articles of clothing instead of using gendered language - i.e. - the "person in the red shirt," instead of the "man in the front."

Ask people to introduce themselves with their names and pronouns - which can be a great way of setting an inclusive tone - i.e. - "Hi, I'm Claire and I use she/her pronouns."

Starting with yourself and using a serious tone will discourage others dismissing the activity as a joke. Note that sometimes this practice can have the effect of singling out trans people in the room. It doesn’t cost anything for cisgender people to share pronouns, but for trans people it can be a very serious decision that could lead to them being “outed”.

Try to ensure gender neutral facilities are available, such as toilets. Make it clear that trans and non-binary people are welcome to use the facilities that they feel most comfortable with.

Include trans people in workplace social events - this applies not just to formal workplace events, but also informal ones - i.e. Inviting trans women or non-binary colleagues to the “office girls night out”.

If you have a uniform or dress code policy, try to make sure it is not strictly gendered or enforced on gendered assumptions / stereotypes.

• Ensure all gendered uniform options are available to everyone.

• Dress codes shouldn’t be strictly gendered, and can include making accessories such as ties optional, or greater freedom with regards to aspects like colour, make up or jewellery. Just make sure that this applies to everyone, and is not split on binary gendered lines.

Try to make sure your computer systems support gender neutral titles, and options for recording pronouns and preferred names. These can sometimes differ from legal identities for people who are non-binary, or partway through their transition.

Challenge

This is one really big thing you can do that can make a significant difference to transgender people.

• Speak up for trans equality and against transphobia.

• Loudly challenge transphobia when you encounter it, and be the first to correct assumptions and misconceptions - whether a trans person is present or not. Transphobia is often excused as “jokes” or “banter” in an attempt to minimise the serious effects it can have.

• Don’t leave it to a transgender person to challenge transphobia on their own - they may not have the time, confidence or it may be the 20th time they’ve had to do so that day. You can help lighten that load.

• You can also challenge systemic assumptions in your workplace - such as missing gender neutral titles on forms and computer systems, or the lack of gender neutral facilities.

• Don’t forget that your voice and your actions have weight (often more so than trans people’s) and can change hearts and minds.

Boundaries

Learn to identify, understand and respect boundaries.

Trans people are commonly asked highly intrusive, inappropriate questions and comments - often from well meaning people.

Inappropriate questioning or comments can include:

• Asking about surgery or genitals

• Asking about sex, sexuality or relationships

• Asking about how or where we go to the toilet

• Asking for someone’s “real name”

• Telling a trans person that theyre not really transgender unless theyve undergone surgery

• Backhanded compliments - i.e. Id never have guessed you were trans / you look like a real man

• Well meaning “tips” - i.e. Have you considered voice coaching / You would pass much better if you had makeup lessons

Trans people often face issues with confidentiality. The impact of a trans person coming out (disclosing they are transgender) can be profoundly negative- such as losing jobs or housing, and being shunned by friends and family.

Treat everything a trans person tells you with confidentiality, and do not share that information without permission.

Doing so is known as “outing”, which is disrespectful and can be extremely dangerous to the trans person.

Understanding boundaries and respecting privacy are key attributes of an ally.

Support

Try to understand the different ways you can support trans people - such as when to:

• Stand Up For Trans People - Use your voice to speak on behalf of trans people, especially when challenging transphobia.

• Stand With Trans People - Use your voice to add weight to what trans people are saying. This can be especially powerful if you have trans friends or family - but be careful not to use trans people’s experiences to boost your own voice.

• Stand Behind Trans People - sometimes all trans people need are support and advice. Be there in the background to assist in making change happen. Allow trans people to lead wherever possible, and use your platform to give trans people opportunities to speak for ourselves.

Know your Limits

Knowing your own limits as an ally can be more difficult - Don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something.

It is better to admit you don't know than to make assumptions or say something that might be wrong which causes harm. Follow this up by finding the appropriate resources that will help you fill any gaps in your knowledge.